I always had friends in school, most came and went like the seasons. One year “Rebecca” would be my best friend, and the next year she was hanging with a different group and we never spoke again. It wasn’t until my junior year that I finally found my bestie. “Laura” and I had known each other through junior high school, as we took dance together, but we never really spoke. For some reason, one day at lunch we ended up sitting together and we just clicked. We were inseparable from that moment on.
She was at my house almost every weekend, we went to the movies together, we disliked the same people, we always ran everything by each other, and we always had out inside jokes. She was the first person I told when I lost my virginity our senior year. She was my graduation walking partner. She was the person I called to vent to when I had a bad day. She would come and stay at my house even as adults, and I had moved in with my then boyfriend. We even made it through her going away to college. We always stayed in touch and always hung out when she was back in town. Our lives were on different paths but that did not matter. She was working on her degree, and I was planning a wedding and having kids.
“Laura” was there when I needed her most. When my marriage was falling apart and I thought I was going to end up a single mother of two kids, she was there. She talked smack with me and plotted revenge with me. She came over and hugged me and watched silly Disney movies with me to help cheer me up. She babysat the kids when I needed. But when my marriage issues were solved and my husband and I worked it out, she was also there to support me. She never doubted or questioned my decisions. We stayed friends even when I moved 8 hours away. She got engaged and was planning her wedding, we were there for one another.
Now, that all seems perfect doesn’t it? I thought so too, till I woke up one day. “Laura” asked me to be her matron of honor. I was so happy, so excited so of course I said yes. Her wedding was going to be a year and a half away, so I knew we had time, and she had most of the big things planned already. I was not too excited in her choice of groom, but I knew she was happy so I put that aside. She had two other bridesmaids, one I knew one I did not. The one I did know, we will call “Jill” was a pain. She always tried to get in between “Laura” and I. It had never worked before but this was going to be my breaking point. “Laura” lived about 3 hours from me, so it was hard to be all she needed me to be. Not to mention, I have 2 kids and a husband, I couldn’t just drop things and be there with no planning. “Jill” took advantage of this and slipped her way in. I was always out of the loop, wasn’t invited to things, and “Jill” was trying to do all the things that were my job to do. At the one year mark before the wedding I had no new details on the wedding. I had no idea what was needed of me, what the plans were, and what the themes were. I couldn’t get her to call me, or answer me most the time. So after a couple months of battling my emotions, I decided I needed to let her know.
I sat down and wrote her a long message about how I felt left out and had no clue what was needed of me. That I wanted to be her matron of honor, but she needed to at least do her part and give me tasks, I couldn’t plan anything with her or for her if I did not know her wants and needs. This turned into a huge fight in which she lashed out and attacked not only me but my husband as well. We went a few weeks without talking and she messaged me with an apology. She stated she wanted me in her wedding but was going to have “Jill” take my place, and I could be a bridesmaid. Because I loved her I agreed. She wanted to come by so we could talk and she wanted to give my kids their late Christmas presents. We had an amazing talk and I thought things were great. She left and that was that.
Later that night, we were texting and she said something again about my husband. I had been holding in a lot of my thoughts about her choice of groom but she was about to hear it. I told her that though I would be at her wedding and stand beside her, my husband and I agreed mutually that our children were not going to be in her wedding until she apologized to my husband for what she said. She of course said I was hurting her and I was being awful, and that I was being stupid for choosing his feelings over hers. She brought up his cheating in the past and other things. So I finally told her just what I thought.
She was being selfish. She was being hurtful. She was the one throwing away our friendship over the silliest of things. She was the one who was about to marry a man she said she was disgusted by, who cheated on her in the past. She was the one who always had to have her way, even at my wedding. She was always center of attention and it was finally time that I chose me and my family over it all.
I cried. I cried for days. I was heartbroken. But you know what? I got over it. It has been months since we spoke last, and I feel lighter. A weight has been lifted. I don’t worry about making her happy, I don’t worry about what she needs, and I worry about me. I feel focused.
Do not let negative toxic people drag you down. They will not change, they will change you. Never give yourself up for anyone. I promise you, as hard as it may be, letting those people go will make you a better person, and will make you feel better in the long run.