Anxiety is described as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. It is the lying awake staring at the ceiling at night asking yourself an infinite number of questions. It is the wondering if anyone really cares about you or are they all just waiting for you to fail. It is the constant questioning yourself and doubting yourself. It is the unsure feelings, it is a lot of things to different people.
So what have I learned from my anxiety?
- It makes me cry.
- It makes me become obsessive.
- It makes me paranoid about silly things.
- It makes me sad and frustrated.
- It makes me doubt myself.
- It makes me hypersensitive.
- It makes me feel exhausted all the time.
- It makes me lose interest in everything.
- It makes me feel jealousy.
- It makes me NOT ME!
It makes me worry everyday that today is the day my husband will find a better person and move on. It makes me worry that I will never find my true purpose. It makes me give up on stuff when I do not excel immediately because I feel that it’s just because I am a failure. It makes me count my flaws every day. It makes me get out of bed and check the door 3 times to makes sure I really did lock it because I do not trust myself. It makes my heart race. It sends me into panics when my kids stay with grandparents, because I am out of control and I can see the worst possible outcome coming true. It made me instantly dislike all the female co-workers my husband had, even if I had not met them. It made me sad and frustrated with myself. But with all of that it has made me take control!
I am sick of living this way. I finally stepped up and talked to my doctor who put me on a low dose of a medicine that treats anxiety only. It helped a lot. But then I decided I did not want to depend on medication for the rest of my life, so I needed to find a way to cope naturally. I began to get healthy, eating better, working out, and that helped. When I work out I found my self at ease, smiling, laughing, not worry one bit. I look forward to working out, I crave it.
I still have my days when I worry, but for the most part, I have it under control. But it took me taking a step back and assessing why I felt the things I did. They say admitting something is the first step. So I admit, I am riddled with anxiety, all the jokes people poked at me for the worries were right. I am not crazy, I care too much. Anxiety sucks, and for some it is worse than how I had it. But do not let anyone tear you down. I encourage you to take a step back and assess what’s going on. Talk to your doctor, find your therapy. For my sister, who also has anxiety and depression, she enjoys to write. My grandmother who has depression and anxiety likes to journal. Some like to paint, some like to cook. Whatever it is, do it and do it with passion.